hi i'm kathryn and i have anger problems.

an old man almost made me cry at work today.

i didn't cry though. instead i calmly spoke to him the same way i speak to children then walked in the back and threw a box of shoes as hard as i could at the wall and i felt better instantly.

working at dick's makes me a violent person. i wonder if they will pay for therapy?

and i wish people would stop acting like the paparazzi and get off my back about things.

close but no cigar

i heard the cutest song lyrics today... "how long do you wanna be loved? is forever enough? is forever enough?" i think it'll be my new favorite song until a better one comes along.

i wanted to write about the two bruises i have across my legs, one on each leg. they span all the way across my leg and then downward about 3 inches on my right leg and about 5 inches on my left leg. the are definitely darker at the top and fade downward, kind of like what DNA looks like on a Argos gel thing... at least i think that's what they are called. how did i get these bruises? doing something cool? me? never. doing something incredibly stupid? "does syrup have sugar in it?... THEN YES!!!" yes... doing something stupid. am i thankful that this incident didn't result in a head injury? yes. very. so anyway.. what happened?

there are canoes, about 8 of them, stacked in no logical order in our aisles of the back room at work. its like a canoe maze and I'm sure its a fire hazard because you couldn't run through the back room in case of emergency because of our collection of big green floating devices. i strategically placed a ladder between two canoes, because i had to get some boots for some guy at work. i finagle my way across the canoes and make it safely to my ladder and start my climb. I'm minding my own business on top of the ladder, standing on the very top step. you know the one that says never ever ever stand on this step or set your paint can on it? i know everyone is like "wow you would think she'd learn to not stand on that step after the shelf on the wall broke off and knocked her off the ladder that one time..." but i never learn lessons. but the badness didn't even happen at the top of the ladder. i SUCCESSFULLY got down two boxes of boots (boots are heavy) and start working my way back down the ladder. I'm thinking ahead though, and realize that the way i slithered between the canoes to get to the ladder is not reversible, and i would have to find another way out. thinking quickly, i decide i can jump off of the ladder and make it across the span of two canoes. i chuck the boxes across the boats and they land just perfectly on the other side, then i hurl my body off of the ladder.

i almost made it. seriously, another half a foot and i would have cleared it.

but instead i landed inside the last canoe and broke my fall on the edge of the boat with my shins. luckily my hand eye coordination is much better than my foot-eye coordination and i put my hands out just in time to save my face from smacking into the edge of the shelves. good thing... i only allow myself to mess up my face once a year at work and I've already used up that allotted injury.

If a honey bee makes honey...

I had my review at work yesterday. I guess my hard work, determination and ability to voice my opinion have paid off because it got me a 34 cent raise and a recommendation to be promoted again. Not that my career goal(s) is to work in a retail store my whole life, but 1. any kind of leadership position will be good for a resume, and 2. promotions= more money and i could always use more money. We also have a Merrell workshop coming up which means FREE SHOES! hooray!

i'm in need of a new tattoo... i've got some ideas of what i would like it to be, but nothing terribly specific. I know i want it to be on my side, where my rib cage is. I don't know if i want the left or the right side... probably the right because then i would be balanced out. i know i want it to be some kind of quote (probably in latin) with maybe some graphics. Possibly like this... but I'm not sure:

Except for if i got this, i would make sure the bird doesn't look so angry.

Washed up on shore...
Washed up on shore...

I'd like to live beneath the dirt
A tiny space to move and breathe is all that I would ever need
I want to live beneath the dirt
Where I'd be free from push and shove like all those swarming up above
Beneath your heals I'll spend my time

Shout your name into the wind
I'll wiggle in the earth and dew
Shout your name into the wind
And somtimes I will think of you
Shout your name into the wind
And if you ever think of me
Kneel down and kiss the earth
And show me what this thought is worth
I'll never hear your voice again

Shout your name into the wind...
Shout your name into the wind...
Shout your name into the wind...
Shout your name into the wind...

For those of you not "hippie" enough to know what this song is, it's Dirt by Phish. I prefer to listen to it while laying on the ground with my eyes closed, but it also makes a great "driving around while the sun is setting" kind of song. It's my go-to song when I need to just chill out for a while and turn my brain off. The past few days have been definite turn-your-brain-off days. Or maybe I should have turned my brain on and turned my heart off.... ? regardless, I believe I was pushed to the limit that everyone was waiting patiently for me to be pushed towards. I'm no longer going to make excuses for him and what he did. I've always convinced myself I wasn't worth anything more than what I had settled for. And I might not seem to have anything, or anyone right now... but I will no longer settle for "just something". I would rather have to do things on my own than know that what I have isn't what I actually want. Or need.

strong as lightening. soft as a candle.

ok about the proactive nature of people... or lack there of. I just am getting really fed up with people complaining about the way their lives are going, but instead of going out and trying new things, they are extremely complacent and basically "accept defeat". Now, I can't say that I am 100% happy with where my life is at this point in time, but I am proud to say that I haven't given up. I don't know if it is that people are scared to try new things or what... but like they say "Ameteurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."

But even worse than being complacent, is turning to something that is self destructive in hopes that maybe it'll help the time go by faster. But i guess i shouldn't have expected anything more, right?

On another note, the conversations between Longmont and Thornton are getting better and better every night haha. But tonight, I was told "did you even think that the one thing you are pushing away is the one thing that you might really need?" but, no clarification was offered as to what this "thing" was that I am supposedly pushing away. I was told "think about it, and if it is meant to work, it'll work. and if you don't want it to work, it won't." WTF? I'm a very literal person and i hate it when people say things like that to me. I have enough things to figure out in life, I don't need your mumbo jumbo on my mind too. If you are trying to tell me something, just tell me. I don't like playing games.

Well, i DO like board games. hahaha.

see Kristin, i told you my blogs are not as interesting as yours. you should write stories.

my first blog ever

i've come to the conclusion today that i have no sympathy for people who are not proactive in life. I'll talk about this more later.